We’ve all heard the saying, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” And let’s be honest, it’s not wrong. Who hasn’t gone down a social media rabbit hole, only to emerge feeling like their life is a chaotic dumpster fire compared to the curated perfection of everyone else?
But here’s the thing: comparison isn’t all bad. Sometimes, it’s the nudge (or kick) we need to see things differently, to grow, or even to realize we deserve better.
When Comparison Steals Joy
Let’s start with the obvious—the dark side of comparison. It’s that little voice that whispers, “Look at her… she has a dream job, a Pinterest-worthy house, and abs. You? You’re still just trying to remember what day it is.” It’s exhausting and, frankly, unfair.
Here’s a personal example: I once spent an entire evening looking at beautifully organized pantries on Instagram. By the end of it, I was questioning my life choices because my pantry is basically a Jenga tower of cereal boxes and rogue granola bars. But then I remembered—those perfect pantries probably took hours to arrange. And my kids are happy with their granola bars, even if they’re on the floor half the time. Perspective matters.
Because here’s the deal: what you’re seeing is not the full story. That influencer with the spotless kitchen? There’s probably a pile of dishes just out of frame. That friend who’s crushing it at work? They might be secretly wondering if they’re enough, too. Everyone’s got their mess. They just don’t post it.
When we’re busy measuring ourselves against someone else’s highlight reel, we’re too distracted to appreciate the good stuff in our own lives. Instead of thinking, “Wow, I’m doing pretty well,” we spiral into, “Why am I not enough?” And that? That’s a sure way to suck the joy right out of life.
When Comparison Inspires Growth
But comparison doesn’t have to be the bad guy. (Plot twist!) Sometimes, it can actually help us grow. It’s all about how you frame it.
For instance, if you’re stuck in a toxic relationship, looking at a healthy one can be the wake-up call you need. Seeing someone else’s love and respect can remind you of what’s possible and—more importantly—what you deserve. It’s like a reality check: “Oh, so not all couples communicate through passive-aggressive Post-it notes?”
Or maybe you’re in a career rut. Watching someone excel in your dream job can be the inspiration you need to finally update your resume or take that scary leap. Instead of thinking, “Why can’t I be like them?” try, “What can I learn from their journey?”
It’s not about copying someone else’s life; it’s about realizing that growth is possible. And that can be kind of amazing.
My younger brother, Colton, is in the army. He has a wife, a baby girl, and recently completed his bachelor’s degree—while already thinking about going back for his master’s. When I first heard this, I felt a twinge of jealousy, wishing I had the skills or education to work from home and help my family financially. I’d catch myself thinking, “I can’t do that. I don’t have a degree…or qualifications…or time.”
But when I said that out loud to Colton, he asked, in his straightforward way, “And what’s really holding you back? If you really want it, you can have those things.”
I felt a little stunned. My first thought was, “What do you mean? Obviously, this whole list of things is holding me back.” But Colton reassured me that those were only roadblocks if I let them be. Would it be harder? Yeah. But if I really wanted it, would it be worth it?
That question stuck with me. Unknowingly, he convinced me to go back to school at 30 and pursue a degree. It changed my perspective on life—and on myself. It felt like I had unlocked a new part of my brain—a space where I could dream big, where goals that once felt out of reach suddenly seemed possible. When things feel out of reach, it’s often because we’ve put them there. The truth is, you are the only thing holding you back. Your job is to decide what your priorities are and make them happen.
I wanted to share this story specifically because I know how easy it is to get stuck in that spiral of envy without stopping to ask, “What can I do to change my story?” Sometimes, the very thing that triggers jealousy can also offer clarity.
Finding Balance
So, how do we keep comparison from turning into a joy-sucking monster while still letting it motivate us? Glad you asked.
- Practice Gratitude: The next time you catch yourself spiraling, take a breath and think of three things you’re grateful for. It’s like hitting the reset button on your brain. For me, it’s often something as simple as a quiet moment with my coffee or the way my kids laugh when they’re playing together.
- Set Your Own Standards: Stop measuring yourself against someone else’s yardstick. Your journey is your own—weird, messy, and beautiful. (And if your pantry is chaos? Own it.)
- Use Comparison Sparingly: Let it inspire you, but don’t let it run the show. Comparison can be a tool, not your ruler.
- Step Away from the Scroll: Seriously. If social media is making you feel like garbage, close the app. No one’s life is as perfect as their feed.
- Look for Lessons, Not Limitations: When you feel envious of someone else’s life, ask yourself what you can learn from their success. Is it their discipline? Their creativity? Their resourcefulness? Let it guide your next steps.
The Bottom Line
Comparison is tricky. It can steal your joy, sure, but it can also push you to grow. The trick is figuring out how to use it without letting it use you. So, the next time you find yourself comparing, ask: Is this helping me move forward, or is it just dragging me down?
Because here’s the truth: your life is yours. It’s messy, unique, and full of potential. And that’s something no one else can compare to.
What about you? When has comparison stolen your joy, and when has it inspired you? Share your thoughts in the comments—I’d love to hear your story!
With love & light,
Jessica ♡
Unraveling the Self 
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