Life has a way of throwing us into the deep end, and sometimes, it feels like we’re drowning in it. The first instinct when faced with hardship is often to ask, “Why is this happening to me?” It’s a question that carries a heavy weight, one that keeps us stuck in confusion and helplessness. But what if the real turning point comes when we change that question to, “What is this teaching me?”
This isn’t just about finding the silver lining; it’s about choosing to step out of victimhood and into empowerment. And for me, this mindset began to take root after reading Journey of Souls by Michael Newton. The book opened my eyes to a perspective I had never considered, helping me see that every challenge has a deeper lesson we’re meant to learn. It was a game-changer. And it’s that shift I want to explore with you today.
The Struggle with “Why is this happening to me?”
When life feels like a storm, it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one being battered by the winds. There’s a profound sense of isolation that comes with asking, “Why me?” It’s a question that often carries not just confusion, but also anger, frustration, and despair. In those moments, it’s hard to see past the pain or the unfairness of the situation. It feels like the universe is conspiring against us, and we’re powerless to do anything about it.
I’ve been there. I’ve asked that question more times than I can count, feeling lost and alone in my struggle. It’s a question that keeps us small, that traps us in a cycle of helplessness. It’s easy to fall into the victim mentality, to feel like we’re just at the mercy of circumstances. But as I’ve learned, that mindset doesn’t serve us; it keeps us stuck in a place of suffering, unable to move forward.
The Power of “What is this teaching me?”
And then, there’s the power in asking, “What is this teaching me?” This question doesn’t deny the pain or the reality of the challenge. It simply shifts our focus from victimhood to curiosity and growth. When I first encountered this perspective, something clicked. Suddenly, I wasn’t just a passive observer of my own life. I became an active participant, searching for the lessons buried in every experience.
Instead of feeling like life was happening to me, I began to see that life was happening for me. Each obstacle became a chance to learn, each hardship an invitation to grow. The pain didn’t go away immediately, but I started to see it as part of a bigger picture, something that was helping me become who I was meant to be. And that was transformational.
When I started trying to shift this mindset, I started small, and I mean small. Like when my phone died in the middle of a phone call and I felt frustration rise, I asked, “Why am I feeling so upset, and can I address that?” When the car in front of me was going ten miles under the speed limit, I paused and wondered, “What is this moment trying to teach me?” And when the kids were struggling to get ready, already running late, I chose to shift from irritation to curiosity. “What can I discover about myself in this moment of stress?” (Spoiler alert: these were all moments to work on my patience.)
As I began to embody this mindset, I noticed changes. I felt more empowered. Instead of asking “Why me?” I started asking “What am I meant to learn from this? What part of me is being called to grow? How can I use this experience to become stronger or more compassionate?” And slowly, I started to see the wisdom in the challenges I was facing.
This isn’t about pretending everything’s okay when it’s not. It’s about acknowledging the struggle and then choosing to see the deeper meaning behind it. When we make that shift, we stop feeling like victims and start feeling like empowered souls on a journey of self-discovery.
Practical Ways to Change Your Mindset
Okay, let’s keep this real. This isn’t about transforming your entire thought process overnight. That would be overwhelming (and impossible). Instead, think of it like planting little seeds of change in your daily life. Start small, and let it grow.
Start Small:
This isn’t about diving into your deepest struggles on day one. Begin with the little things that make you want to scream into a pillow—like getting stuck behind a slow driver or realizing you forgot to pick something up from the store. Instead of stewing, take a breath and ask yourself, “What is this teaching me?” Maybe it’s patience (ugh, I know), or maybe it’s a reminder to slow down yourself. The point isn’t to nail it every time—it’s just to start asking the question.
Daily Reflections:
At the end of the day, take a moment to look back on your “ugh” moments. What did you learn? Maybe you realized you’re more resilient than you thought, or maybe you learned that skipping your morning coffee is not a good idea (mental note: don’t do that again). The idea isn’t to overanalyze, but to see the growth hiding in the chaos.
Journaling Prompts:
If you like writing things down—or just need to vent—grab a notebook and try these:
- “What part of me is being called to grow in this challenge?”
- “What strength did I find in myself today?”
- Or my favorite: “What little thing annoyed the life out of me today, and what’s the deal with that?”
It doesn’t have to be perfect or profound. Sometimes it’s just about getting the thoughts out of your head so you can make sense of them.
Your Turn
What challenges are you facing right now? How might shifting your perspective help you see the lessons hidden within? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Share your experiences in the comments, or send me a message. Let’s embrace the power of learning from every experience, no matter how small.
With love & light,
Jessica ♡
Unraveling the Self 
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