The Struggle to Be Vulnerable

Vulnerability is one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn. Even now, it’s something I have to actively work on, because for most of my life, I didn’t realize how much I was avoiding it. If you’ve ever dealt with insecurities or trauma, you probably understand how terrifying it can be to let yourself be truly seen. Not just the surface-level version of you, the one who has everything together, but the raw, unfiltered emotions underneath.

For a long time, I repressed my emotions so much that I didn’t even know how I was feeling half the time. Or, at the very least, I didn’t understand why I felt the way I did. I had spent so much time keeping my emotions locked away that I lost touch with them. It wasn’t until I learned how to be compassionate with others that I realized I needed to show that same compassion to myself.

One of my biggest turning points was my relationship with my sister, Codi. She is one of the most passionate, empathetic people I know. She listens deeply, feels others’ pain almost as much as her own, and genuinely wants to understand people. And in turn, she wants to be understood. For a long time, I don’t think I fully grasped what that meant. We were always close; we could talk for hours and laugh until we cried. However, we fought a lot as kids, and even as young adults, we would get irritated with each other easily. For years, I assumed our conflicts were mostly her fault, but looking back, I realized I was contributing to the disconnect just as much.

I kept a small but significant wall up between us. I assumed she wouldn’t understand certain things about me, so I never gave her the chance to. It wasn’t that I didn’t love her; I just didn’t know how to be truly vulnerable, even with someone as safe as her. The first step was admitting to myself that I wanted a deeper connection, that I wanted to let her in. Once I did, everything changed. I started opening up, and instead of rejection or misunderstanding, I was met with the same compassion and warmth she had always shown others. The only thing that had ever been stopping me was my own fear.

I do feel guilty about how long it took me to realize what I was doing, but that guilt doesn’t outweigh the love and joy I feel knowing what our relationship is now. I see now that vulnerability isn’t just about opening up, it’s about trust, about believing that someone else can hold space for you the way you hold space for them. It’s about breaking down the walls you didn’t even realize you built and allowing yourself to be seen fully and honestly.

I won’t say I’ve mastered vulnerability yet. It still feels unnatural sometimes, like stepping into the cold before your body adjusts. But I know now that avoiding it only keeps people at arm’s length, even the ones who love you most. And the more I lean into it, the more I see how much deeper and more fulfilling my relationships can be.

Steps to Practice Vulnerability:

• Start Small and Be Honest – You don’t have to bare your soul all at once. Begin by sharing something personal with someone you trust. It can be as simple as expressing a small fear or admitting when you’re struggling. Each time you do, you’re reinforcing that it’s okay to be open.
  
• Understand and Challenge Your Fears – Ask yourself what truly scares you about vulnerability. Are you afraid of rejection? Judgment? Being seen as weak? Once you identify these fears, challenge them. More often than not, they’re rooted in past experiences, not present reality.
  
• Be Kind to Yourself and Celebrate Progress – Vulnerability is uncomfortable, especially if you’re not used to it. Show yourself patience and acknowledge even the smallest steps forward. If you open up and feel misunderstood, remind yourself that it’s part of the process and not a reason to shut down again.

If you struggle with vulnerability, you’re not alone. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that the fear of opening up is never as bad as the regret of keeping yourself closed off. Let yourself be seen. It’s worth it.

With love & light,
Jessica ♡