Growth is weird. Once you’ve done some real healing and started making changes, you kind of expect yourself to keep that momentum going. You know better now, you’ve made progress, so when old habits creep back in, it can feel frustrating. Or disappointing. Like, Really? This again? I thought we were past this.
And then the shame hits. Because now, you’re not just struggling with the old habit, you’re judging yourself for struggling at all. It’s a lot.
I’ve been thinking about how these phases are part of it. Not the glamorous part, or the part we talk about when we feel like we’re doing really good. But the part where things get quiet or heavy, and you’re not sure if you’re still growing or just treading water. I’ve started looking at those moments as challenges. Not in the sense that someone is testing me, but more like, “Okay, let’s see how well these tools actually work when life gets hard again.”
Not everyone wants to look at it that way. That’s fine. But for me, it helps to frame it as: Can I keep growing even when things feel off? Can I hold onto what I’ve learned when the old stuff tries to pull me back in?
Last month, my grandma passed away. It’s been a long time since I lost someone close to me, and grieving her as an adult (especially while trying to be present as a mom) has been hard. There was no room in my head for anything else for a while. I had just started my college courses, and I couldn’t even look at them for the first couple of weeks. I was in the hospital with her, crying constantly, just trying to be there.
Eventually, I found my footing again and dove into my schoolwork. I finished eight classes before the end of the month, which sounds great, but I actually just pushed way too hard. I locked in on one thing (the thing that made me feel like I had control – shocking, I know) and let everything else slide. My house got chaotic. I stopped writing. I stopped taking care of myself. And before I knew it, the old patterns were back, trying to outrun my emotions by staying busy, ignoring what I needed, not asking for help.
Then yesterday, my sister-in-law Joelle came over. She lives about an hour away and visits us every week. She’s someone who knows me really well and doesn’t let things slide. At one point I casually mentioned that my eye had been twitching for three days, and without missing a beat, staring straight at me, she goes, “Jessica, you realize you’re doing too much, right?”
And I just sat there like… yeah. Yeah, I do. But hearing it out loud made it different.
I think that’s where the real growth is. Not that I never fall into old habits anymore, but that I can actually see them. I don’t stay stuck as long. And I don’t beat myself up (at least as bad) for slipping. That part is new. That part is growth too.
Okay, that was a lot.
Let’s take a breath for a second. Fun fact: Joelle and I accidentally wear the same outfit a more-than-normal amount. We take our loungewear very seriously, think staple sweatshirts, hoodies, and leggings. And we can’t forget the Crocs. Those bad boys have been with us through thick and thin.
Thanks, B. Love you. ♡
Alright then, back to it. So, today, we get to work through this together. Welcome. Now, our first question: What is actually happening during a plateau?
It’s not always this dramatic life event. Sometimes you just feel stuck. You’re not crashing, you’re not thriving, you’re just… here. Coasting. And if you’re someone who’s been doing inner work, that “blah” feeling can mess with your head. You start to wonder if you’ve lost your momentum or if you’re doing something wrong.
But the truth is, plateaus are normal. They’re built into every kind of growth, emotional, physical, spiritual, whatever. You can’t stay in a constant state of transformation. That’s not sustainable. At some point, your mind and body need to integrate. To rest. To adjust to the new normal before the next leap.
And yeah, sometimes that rest period looks a little too much like the old version of you. You might start numbing out again. Avoiding. Overworking. Shutting down. That doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means something is probably asking for your attention, and you’re just not ready to face it yet. That’s okay.
What matters is what you do once you notice.
That’s the moment where you have some choice again. Not necessarily to snap out of it and magically be back on track, but to pause and ask, “What do I need right now?” Or even more realistically: “What small thing could help me not feel worse?”
Moving forward after a plateau doesn’t usually mean some huge breakthrough. Sometimes it’s making your bed and brushing your teeth. Sometimes it’s texting a friend back or going for a walk or deciding to stop pushing through and just rest. Other times it’s finally letting yourself cry or journal or have a real conversation you’ve been avoiding.
The truth is, you can read all the self-help books. You can journal, meditate, take mindful walks, drink more water, and do all the “right” things. And those things matter. They really do help. But they don’t mean much if you don’t slow down and actually ask yourself how you’re applying what you’ve learned when life gets hard.
Because the real growth doesn’t show up when everything’s going smoothly. It shows up when things fall apart and you have the chance to respond differently than you did before.
It’s in those moments when you pause and ask, “How can I move through this better than I did last time?” or, “How can I take what I’ve learned and actually use it, now that I’ve had time to sit with the hard stuff?”
That’s the kind of growth that sticks. That’s the version of you that doesn’t just talk about change, but lives it, even if it’s not perfect. Especially when it’s not perfect.
You won’t always get it right the first time. Or the second. But if you keep showing up with a little more awareness, a little more compassion for yourself, and a willingness to try again, you’re doing the work.
And that’s what matters most.
With love & light,
Jessica ♡
If you’re in a plateau right now, or you’ve at least been there, I see you. Take a moment to check in with yourself: What do you need today? Share in the comments or reach out to me. I’d love to hear how you’re navigating this part of your journey. And if you have any tips or different methods for dealing with a plateau, please share them! We’re all here to learn and grow together.
Unraveling the Self 
Join the conversation