I didn’t picture myself living in my parents basement at 31, especially with my husband and two kids. But here I am.
Josh and I had been on our own for almost ten years. First we rented, then bought our first house, then our second. We had our own space, our own routines, and we were happy with that. Then the economy started tanking, and the math was no longer mathing. If we stayed, we were going to drown in debt.
So before it got too bad, we made the difficult decision to sell our house and move in with my parents. And it’s not like we’re living in some dark, tiny space. Their basement is roomy, with two bedrooms, a full bathroom, living room, dining room, a small bar that doubles as my kitchen, and even a little corner I turned into my “office.” I’m very grateful that this was an option for us. But that first year, all I could think about was getting back out.
Every time I saw someone buying their first home, building their dream home, or even just painting their kitchen, it kinda sucked. I felt like everyone else was moving forward while we were standing still.
In my head, living at our last house, I never thought we’d be there forever. I always imagined something bigger and better waiting for us… land to spread out on, maybe some horses, a beautiful kitchen, the boys having their own themed bedrooms with a secret tunnel connecting the two. Okay, that last part was for me. I always wanted a secret tunnel.
I grew up with a checklist in my head of a perfect life. I had the husband, the kids, the house. We were on the expected path. Until we weren’t. And when we moved in with my parents, I compared everything to that dream. This “basement life” was temporary, and my “real life” would start again when we got out. I literally felt like I’d pressed pause on my life.
It was this dark cloud over me all the time. Thinking about “moving on” was in the back of my head all day, every day. But I was missing the life happening right under my nose.
Finding Joy in the Detour
At some point, thanks to this wonderful, existential, emotional journey of self-discovery, my perspective started to change. Very slowly. The thoughts definitely still crept up for a long time, but they became less and less.
I began to really see all the parts of our life we’d gained since living here. Josh and I have had the space to grow as a couple, as parents, and as individuals. You guys know some of what my healing journey has entailed, and most of that has happened while living here. Yeah, it’s been awhile.
I realized that what I thought I wanted wasn’t what I truly needed. This road bump (actually a full detour) has turned me into a stronger, more grounded, more compassionate woman. I’m a better partner. I’m a better mother. I’m a better sister. I’m a better daughter. And most importantly, I’m a better self.
Letting go of the life I thought I’d have doesn’t mean I’ve given up on my dreams. It just means I’ve stopped holding them so tightly that I can’t enjoy where I am right now.
Life rarely goes according to plan, and I’m starting to see that’s not always a bad thing. This “basement season” has given us more growth, closeness, and perspective than I ever expected.
Would I love to have a place of our own again someday? Absolutely. But I’m not sitting around waiting for that day to start living. This is my life right now, and it’s a really fucking good one.
What about you?
If you’re reading this and feeling stuck in a life that doesn’t look like what you planned, like I literally always say, you’re not alone. Maybe you’re living a season you didn’t want or expect, and it’s weighing on you more than you realize. Or maybe you absolutely realize, and think about it every second of the day. Hi.
If journaling helps, try writing for five minutes on any of these questions:
- What is one part of your current life that feels like a detour?
- What small thing can you notice or appreciate in that detour? Maybe you made a new friend, found a way to ask for help when you never could before, learned to be more patient, or left a relationship or place that no longer served you?
- How might your story change if you let go of the “perfect plan” and started embracing the life you’re actually living?
Don’t worry about getting it “right.” Just write what comes up. Sometimes, just giving yourself permission to accept things as they are can open up a lot of space.
With love & light,
Jessica ♡
Unraveling the Self 
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